To celebrate 35 years of life, I’ve decided to share 35 lessons I’ve learned about life, wellness, relationships, and love. These lessons are not in any particular order of importance; I wrote whatever came to mind and resonated with my heart.
Your thoughts matter, and they can influence your reality.
Your thoughts have the capacity to shape your reality. What you think influences how you feel, how you perceive yourself and the world, the decisions you make, and how you show up in life. When you repeat a thought over and over again, it can gradually become a belief, one that feels like a fact–when, in reality, it’s merely an opinion.
You may begin to see how your thoughts manifest in your life. For instance, if I hold onto the belief that “I’m socially awkward,” I might find myself unconsciously closing off during social events in an attempt to protect myself from uncomfortable interactions. If no one approaches me throughout the event, then it’ll feel as if my belief is true. But in reality, it’s my closed-off body language that signals to others that I’m not open to conversation, and I also didn’t make an effort to talk to anyone.
When we see our thoughts and beliefs reflected in our experiences, it can be so easy to accept them as truth. This is why it’s so important to be mindful of the words you use and the stories you tell yourself. Speak to yourself with kindness, love, and respect. Choose to nurture thoughts that empower you!
Energy is everything.
We are all energy, and everything in our world carries its own energy. Energy is neither created nor destroyed; it’s continually flowing and exchanging between us and the world around us.
Have you ever been around someone who radiates positivity? How do you feel around this person? Now, think about being around someone gossiping or judging others–how does that leave you feeling? In the first case, you may feel uplifted; in the second case, perhaps you feel drained. This is energy transference. The people you surround yourself with can either raise your energetic vibration or lower it.
The same idea applies to the environments we find ourselves in. Early this year, I joined the Daily Stoic New Year New You challenge, which included a day dedicated to decluttering a space in your home. I chose my office, where I spend most of my time. As I started decluttering, I quickly realized how much I’d been holding onto that no longer served my highest good. As I shredded documents and let go of items that were no longer in alignment with me, I had an ‘aha’ moment. I’d been unconsciously clinging to the past. As I cleared this space, I felt relief. I hadn’t realized the weight and the energy that these items carried. Once they were gone, my office had a new energy to it, leaving me feeling more focused, open, creative, and joyful. This shift in energy prompted me to declutter other areas of my home, as I could feel the energy transforming both in my space and within myself.
With all this in mind, protect your energy–it’s your most valuable currency. Be mindful of who you spend time with and the environments you’re in.
While you can’t always control your surroundings, like in the workplace, you can take actionable steps to reset and cleanse your energy. Find a quiet space to breathe, connect with your body (feel your feet on the ground), tune into your emotions, and repeat affirmations that resonate with your heart and spirit. You could also explore moving your body as a way to release stagnant energy, such as shaking out your limbs, dancing, or going for a walk.
“No” is a complete sentence.
Let’s talk about boundaries! People-pleasing behavior often starts in childhood and usually carries forward into adulthood. It’s an adaptive survival trait born out of the need and desire for attachment–we want to feel loved and accepted, so we end up sacrificing our needs to please others.
People-pleasing can show up in different ways. For example, have you ever agreed with someone just to avoid conflict, even though you had a completely different perspective? Or have you ever been invited to a party that you didn’t want to attend, but went anyway to avoid disappointing someone? These are examples of putting the needs of others before your own, fearing conflict or potential rejection if you don’t conform.
People-pleasing behavior is driven by fear–fear of ridicule, rejection, conflict, being labeled as selfish. It can also be rooted in the fear of losing people from your life or being judged for saying “no.”
Setting healthy boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first. While some people may respect them right away, others may push back to test your limits. Remember, boundaries are an act of self-love and self-respect. You don’t need to justify them unless you choose to. If you ever experience feelings of guilt after articulating your boundaries, feel free to repeat the following affirmations: “I choose authenticity over attachment” and “I choose inner peace over resentment.” These can help ease the discomfort, while reinforcing that boundaries are essential for healthy relationships–both with yourself and others.
Trust in divine timing.
This is a lesson that I’ve struggled with for most of my life because I believed that letting go and surrendering meant that I was giving up, throwing in the towel, being passive, and essentially telling the universe to take the wheel. So, instead of surrender, I chose control. I believed that this was the only way that I could avoid disappointment, heartache, loss, and pain. But here’s the thing, the more I tried to control things, the more resistance I felt in my body. This resistance showed up as physical and psychological symptoms–tension, pain, and anxiety. The tighter I held on, the more my body protested. I was essentially resisting the natural flow of life.
There’s so much strength and beauty in surrender. As we release the need for control, the ego softens, creating space for vulnerability, growth, and healing. Surrender allows us to release what no longer serves, making room for what truly aligns with our highest good. By going with the flow of life, we invite more peace and ease into our minds and bodies. In surrender, we release attachments and practice outcome independence. This can help redirect our focus and energy to the present moment, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. It opens us to receptivity, inviting new experiences, lessons, and people into our lives. Through surrender, we release doubt and fear, replacing them with trust and faith.
Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t take action or pursue your goals and dreams. What I’m suggesting is to soften your grip on controlling how things unfold. It’s about detaching from a specific outcome.
Trusting that there’s a plan can be a challenge, especially when life tends to throw curveballs at you that can turn your world upside down. As difficult as it can be to let go and surrender, resistance to flow can disrupt your inner ecosystem. Trust in divine timing. Believe that things are unfolding as they’re meant to. Trust that the universe has your back. Continue living your life, choosing peace and faith over fear.
The body speaks in metaphors.
The phrase “I feel like I’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders” is a common way of expressing feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, and burdened by life’s challenges. We often use metaphors like this to describe our internal experiences. The way we feel inside is reflected in how we show up in the world physically and energetically. For years, I felt as though I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, and over time, it took a toll on my body. It showed up physically in my body as chronic upper back, neck, and head tension. I walked around the world with my chest caved in, shoulders hunched forward, and with my chin jutting forward.
The words you say to yourself, whether in your head or out loud, can offer insight in relation to what you’re experiencing physically. For example, if you say you’re “running on empty,” do you experience muscle fatigue or exhaustion? If you feel like you’re “swimming upstream,” do you experience any tension, restriction, or exhaustion in your body? If you say, “my head is spinning” to express mental overload, do you also notice feelings of light-headedness or dizziness?
I invite you to get curious about the language you use to describe your inner experiences. The words you choose offer insightful clues about your emotional, mental, and physical well-being.
Triggers are opportunities for growth and inner healing.
It can be so easy to blame others for making us feel a certain way. For example, I used to get triggered whenever people asked me how teaching was going, even though they knew I left the profession. In those moments, I felt disrespected. I would point the finger at others, convincing myself that the problem existed outside of me. After all, they should know better, right?
But here’s the thing: whether or not they should know better, they are not responsible for how I think, feel, or respond–I am. Oftentimes when we’re triggered by someone’s words or actions, it’s an opportunity to look inward to investigate why a part of you feels triggered. In my case, a part of me felt triggered because I was experiencing intense feelings of uncertainty, shame, and guilt regarding my decision to leave classroom teaching. The feelings of disrespect were really only masking what I truly felt deep within.
Now, each time I get triggered, I extend gratitude for the experience, because it often reveals something in me that I’ve been suppressing or avoiding. These moments help me uncover limiting beliefs and old narratives that have been causing physical, mental, and emotional discomfort in my body. Once the unconscious becomes conscious, inner healing work can begin.
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Self-care isn’t selfish–it is an act of self-love. Self-care is about investing in your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being through activities that feel nourishing in your body.
When we constantly give without taking the time to replenish our inner resources, we eventually end up running on empty. When our reserves–like time, energy, and health–are depleted, it’s easy to experience feelings of resentment and frustration toward those around us. It can feel like we’re always giving while others are always taking. But expecting others to give back as much as we give to them isn’t really fair to them. We may believe that as we pour into others, they’ll naturally pour into us, keeping us feeling fulfilled and nourished. But what happens when they don’t? If we haven’t been filling our own cup through self-care, we’re left empty, with nothing left to give to ourselves or others. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
This is why it’s essential to put yourself at the top of your ‘people to care for’ list. Replenishing your inner resources is a compassionate gift to both yourself and to those around you. The relationship you have with yourself is one of the most important ones you’ll ever have–because it’s one that’s always with you. You begin each day with yourself, move through your day together, and end your day with yourself. That’s a constant. Prioritizing self-care builds a foundation that supports every aspect of your life, allowing you to show up in the world from a place of abundance, not depletion.
If you’re interested in exploring some self-care ideas, kindly read this blog post: 25 Self-Care Ideas for a Healthy Mind and Body.
You are enough!
As humans, we have a biological need to belong. We are inherently social creatures, and historically, our survival was dependent on being part of a group. Belonging to a group meant safety and a longer life expectancy. Being shunned from a group, on the other hand, was often equated with an early death.
In our present-day lives, rejection or feeling excluded from a group may not result in a literal physical death, but it can activate pain pathways in the brain, making the emotional sting of exclusion feel like a metaphorical death.
We have an innate desire to be accepted, understood, and to belong. This is why we often attach our worth to how others perceive us. We tend to elevate the opinions of others more than our own, even though they haven’t walked a day in our shoes. Every time we give away our worth to someone else, we’re giving away our energy and power to the other person. In doing so, we end up feeling insecure and doubting our worth.
Here’s the truth: your worth is inherent! You were born worthy, and you remain just as worthy as you move through life. Worthiness is something that comes from within, not from something that is external to you.
Practices of self-love and self-care can be beautiful ways to reconnect with your worthiness. One of my favorite daily rituals is to stand in front of a mirror, smile, look into my eyes, and say, “I am enough. I am worthy. I love myself exactly as I am.” I repeat these affirmations five times before continuing with my day. The more I repeat these words, the more I resonate with them, the more comfortable I feel in my own skin, and the more I step into my authenticity. I welcome you to give this practice a try, and observe if you notice any internal shifts.
The “oh no” to “oh well” mindset.
The “oh no” to “oh well” mindset has been a game changer for me, something I learned and explored in a Curable live somatic tracking workshop. The facilitator explained that when experiencing pain, we can either react with “oh no” (think panic emoji) or we can choose the “oh well” approach (think shrugging emoji). This mindset doesn’t dismiss the physical and emotional pain you’re experiencing, but it does invite you to dial down the fear, signaling to the brain that the sensation is safe. Studies show that pain intensifies when we attend to it from a place of fear and hypervigilance.
I recently put this mindset into practice when I realized I was late for an appointment. At first, I panicked and rushed around in an “oh no” state. But then I decided to slow down, took a breather, and said, “oh well.” I was already late. I decided to accept the situation and calmed myself down before heading out. It turned out to be no big deal–the person simply adjusted my appointment. By choosing the “oh well” path, I was able to remain calm, open, and present throughout my appointment. I felt really proud of how I responded to the situation, especially since being punctual is important to me.
Consider how you might apply the “oh no” to “oh well” mindset in your own life.
Forgiveness is where it’s at.
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It doesn’t mean that you’re excusing someone’s behavior or downplaying your feelings; rather, it’s about letting go so you can free your mind, body, and soul from the weight of resentment, anger, bitterness, and shame. I used to hold onto the expectation that the person who hurt me would apologize and make amends; however, I’ve come to realize that’s not always how it unfolds. Sometimes, you just don’t get closure. The beautiful part is that you can choose to forgive, even without the other person’s involvement.
I often hear the phrase, ‘forgive and forget,’ but I believe that forgiveness involves remembering, processing the experience, acknowledging your emotions, releasing them, and choosing to forgive again and again as a part of your healing journey. Without processing the experience and releasing the corresponding emotions, you may find yourself repeatedly triggered by the situation.
Also, forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean letting that person back into your life. You can choose to forgive, offer love and compassion from a distance, all while honoring the boundaries you’ve put in place to protect your peace.
The same applies for self-forgiveness. You are worthy of the grace and freedom that comes from releasing self-blame, guilt, and shame. Embrace compassion as you let go and heal.
“I choose authenticity over attachment.”
Psychiatrist Gabor Maté explains, “We’re born with a need for attachment and a need for authenticity.” In his book, The Myth of Normal, he shares that “Most people abandon their true selves (authenticity) to please others and keep their relationships (attachments), even if they are ones that are toxic and destructive.” Certain traits like people-pleasing, perfectionism, excessive worry thoughts, and emotional repression often develop as adaptive interpersonal strategies for survival in childhood, helping us navigate environments that feel unsafe. To maintain attachment to caregivers, many children suppress their needs. While these strategies may have served a purpose in childhood, they often persist into adulthood, showing up in our relationships and careers.
Here’s the thing: when we choose attachment over authenticity, we abandon our true selves in the process.
Choosing authenticity over attachment is a journey of rediscovering and reconnecting with yourself. It doesn’t happen overnight; it calls for patience, self-compassion, and a conscious commitment to keep coming back to yourself again and again.
So, whenever I find myself slipping back into old habits, like people-pleasing and excessive worrying, I pause, take a deep breath, and remind myself, “I choose authenticity over attachment.” This affirmation helps me reconnect with myself, bringing me back into alignment with my true essence.
Vulnerability is our superpower.
Vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it’s one of our greatest strengths–a superpower! When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we open the doors to trust and deepen our connections with ourselves and others. Vulnerability invites us to let go of the fear of judgment and soften our grip on perfectionism, allowing us to show up as our authentic selves.
Vulnerability might look like sharing a personal story with someone you trust, expressing your fears, or acknowledging your struggles openly. It can be communicating your needs honestly, or allowing space for genuine emotions to surface.
That said, vulnerability doesn’t mean oversharing, nor does it require us to be open with everyone we meet. You have the freedom to choose when and who you feel comfortable being vulnerable with. And if opening up to others doesn’t feel safe, you can still express vulnerability in ways like journaling, praying, singing, and dancing.
Slow down.
Our brains are constantly taking in signals from our inner and outer worlds. When we’re rushing around, speaking quickly, eating fast, or engaging in shallow breathing, the brain interprets these signals as a sign of danger. This triggers the fight-or-flight response, flooding the body with stress hormones–even when there’s no actual threat. The brain is simply responding to the cues it's given.
When we choose to slow down the pace, we send messages of safety to the brain, which activates the parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) branch of the nervous system, helping us find a sense of inner calm and balance.
I encourage you to bring mindfulness to how you move through the world. Explore slowing your steps, moving intentionally from heel to toe. Invite your speech to slow down, adding pauses, and breathing in through your nose whenever you stop to pause. Practice belly breathing to access a fuller, deeper breath. Savor each bite of food you take by chewing mindfully, perhaps taking a few extra chews before you swallow. When you’re out for a walk, take a few moments to pause and soak in the sights, sounds, and scents around you.
Slowing down is a wonderful way to nurture and regulate the nervous system.
Playtime isn’t just for kids.
I’ll keep this one brief: make time for play! Explore what feels playful and fun to you, and literally schedule “playtime” into your calendar. Treat play as a non-negotiable! Life’s too short to be serious all the time. Laughter and joy are essential for our well-being. Play reawakens our curiosity and intuition, helping us tap into creativity and a state of presence more readily. Play nurtures deeper connections with ourselves and others, creating space for enriching experiences.
There’s always a choice.
“I have to go to work.” “I have to get this project done.” “I have to make dinner tonight.” “I have to clean the house.” “I have to go to that family gathering.” To me, these statements sound more like a punishment than a choice, like we have absolutely no say in the matter.
The truth is, there’s always a choice. You can choose to make dinner, or not. You can choose to go to that family gathering, or you can stay home. You can choose to get that project done, or you can do something else instead. Sure, there’ll be some choices that have consequences, but at the end of the day, everything is a choice.
This is one of the many reasons I love somatic yoga practices. These practices remind us that we always have a choice–whether it’s in movement or in life. We’re never stuck in one posture or state of being. We have the freedom to move in ways that feel good, inviting ease into the body.
I used to believe that I had to remain in the teaching profession because it was what I went to school for, it paid the bills, and I was worried that people would judge me for leaving the profession. All these beliefs were rooted in fear. The reality was, I had a choice. I could stay in a career that didn’t feel right for me anymore, or I could take a leap of faith and pursue something that aligned with my values. I chose to take that leap of faith because my peace of mind was more important to me than staying in my comfort zone. The path that I chose hasn’t been easy and has come with many challenges. With that said, I’d choose this path over and over again in a heartbeat.
There’s always a choice, even when it feels like there isn’t.
The greatest gift of all is LOVE.
It’s natural to want to close off or harden your heart after experiencing a loss or a breakup. In those moments, your body instinctively curls inward, trying to protect you from further emotional pain. This is a natural part of the healing process. One of the most compassionate gifts you can offer yourself is to give yourself the time and space to feel your emotions. There’s no timeline when it comes to healing, and healing is not a linear process.
When you feel ready, invite your heart to open to love again. Love is the highest vibration, and when you open your heart to it, you open yourself up to life’s many blessings and gifts.
Practicing self-love is a wonderful way to reconnect with the love that already exists within you. As you pour love into yourself, you’ll see how that love naturally ripples out from your essence and into the world around you.
Opening your heart to love again can stir up strong emotions, like fear, and that’s okay. If fear arises, acknowledge it, feel it, and place your hand on your heart. Repeat the mantra, “My heart is open,” as often as you need. You can also visualize your heart glowing a radiant green light–representing the heart chakra–and imagine it opening up to all the love and beauty that awaits!
Find peace in your breath when doubt clouds your mind.
We all have moments when we feel overwhelmed, anxious, stressed, or uncertain. In these moments, take a minute or two to pause and bring your attention to your breath. Feel the sensation of air entering through your nose with each inhale, and the gentle release of air with every exhale. Sense how your breath moves within your body. Explore deepening your breath, maybe even lengthening your exhalation so that it’s slightly longer than your inhalation. For example, you could breathe in through your nose for a count of 4, then out through your nose or mouth for a count of 6. Let your breath anchor you back to the present moment, allowing any worries about the past or future to fade into the background.
Conscious breathing is one of our most powerful tools for self-regulation. By extending the exhalation, we activate the parasympathetic nervous system (rest-and-digest), signaling safety to the brain. As your breathing slows, you’ll feel your heart rate settle, your muscles relax, and a soothing sense of calm fills your mind and body.
Your breath is your friend. It’s here to support you, offering both love and nourishment with every inhale and exhale.
Nourish your inner garden with compassion and love.
When tending to a garden, certain conditions are essential for plants to thrive: nutrient-rich soil, water, sunlight, space to grow, fresh air, the right temperature, as well as time and care. Without consistent love and care, weeds begin to creep in, quickly spreading if left unchecked. As weeds take root, they draw away vital nutrients and energy from the plants, slowly disrupting the garden’s natural balance.
The same is true for our inner garden. When we nourish ourselves with nutrient-dense foods, hydration, quality sleep, self-care, and love, we create the conditions to grow, flourish, heal, and evolve. If we neglect this inner garden, allowing it to go unattended, ‘weeds’–doubts, fears, insecurities, resentment, and unhelpful patterns–can quickly take root. Over time, these weeds may flourish at the expense of our well-being, crowding all the beautiful qualities we would like to cultivate: joy, peace, love, compassion, resilience, gratitude, patience, forgiveness, authenticity, empathy, and courage. When we choose to nurture ourselves, we make space for these beautiful qualities to grow and thrive. Tending to our inner garden doesn’t just enrich us–it naturally radiates outward, touching and inspiring the lives of those around us.
So, what would you like to grow in your garden?
Choose to listen more than you speak.
I find this one particularly challenging as I have a tendency to jump in while someone is speaking–not out of disregard for what the person is saying, but because I genuinely want to add something of value to the conversation. It’s rooted in my own insecurities, though the other person has no way of knowing this. To them, it might come across as disrespectful. This tendency can hinder my ability to form deeper, more meaningful connections with others.
There’s real beauty in choosing to listen more than we speak. Have you ever been in a conversation where someone truly listened to you? They didn’t interrupt and their body language was relaxed and open. How did that feel? For me, I feel valued, seen, heard, respected, and calm. Attentive listening is a powerful way to build connections grounded in trust, understanding, compassion, and empathy. When we choose to listen more than we speak, we open ourselves up to new ideas, insights, and perspectives.
I encourage you to practice holding space for others. Whenever you feel that urge to jump in, take a deep breath, and focus on being fully present in the conversation. Instead of thinking about your response, truly listen to each word the person is saying. At first, there may be moments of awkward silence where the conversation doesn’t feel like it’s flowing naturally, and that’s okay. With time and practice, this will feel more effortless. I recommend starting by practicing attentive listening with someone you feel comfortable with, so it takes the pressure off and you feel more relaxed.
Old story vs. new story.
Self-concept is the way we understand and perceive ourselves, shaped by our unique life experiences. It includes our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about who we are, our identity, our self-image, and our place in the world.
Many of us believe that our self-concept is fixed, but it’s actually fluid and constantly evolving, influenced by both internal and external factors.
For example, I once held onto the belief that I couldn’t keep friends because either I kept moving or they moved away. This narrative affected my self-esteem, and made me hesitant to connect with others, fearing I’d eventually lose them. But the great thing about self-concept is that we don’t have to accept old, unhelpful narratives as permanent. I’ve since shifted my story to one where friendships flow naturally into my life, and I’m able to cultivate meaningful connections with others.
I invite you to explore some of your old stories–the ones that may no longer serve your highest good–and think about the new story you’d like to create. What do you want to call into your life moving forward?
Disconnect to reconnect: detox from technology.
At the start of the year, I took a 48-hour break from technology. At first, it was uncomfortable–like I’d lost a part of myself, as if I was missing a limb. But after a few hours, I started to feel lighter, calmer, grounded, focused, and fully present. During this time, I explored activities that felt nourishing in my body, and one of those was journaling. As I wrote, I entered a flow state, and suddenly, fresh ideas about my yoga channel began to emerge. Looking back, I realize that I was tapping into my intuition. It was at that moment that I decided to pivot my channel towards somatics–a practice that deeply resonated with me and had supported me in my healing journey.
I felt a steady flow of energy throughout both days because I was turning my attention inward and investing in my well-being, rather than draining my energy on external things that don’t nourish my mind, body, and spirit.
Disconnecting from technology feels like a breath of fresh air–inviting you to reconnect with your true essence.
I encourage you to try a technology detox for yourself! It might feel uncomfortable at first, but remember, growth often comes when we step into discomfort.
Adopt an attitude of gratitude.
When we choose to adopt an attitude of gratitude, we shift our focus from scarcity to abundance.
It’s so easy for the mind to gravitate towards a mindset of lack. A quick scroll through Facebook or Instagram, and suddenly we’re caught up comparing ourselves and our lives to others. Feelings of inadequacy and scarcity start to creep in as we see everyone looking so happy and fulfilled, as if they’re living their best lives. We can find ourselves fixated on the things they have that we don’t have. Thoughts like if I own a house, then I’ll be happy. Once I’m in my dream career, then I’ll be happy. I’ll be happy once I get that promotion at work.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with setting goals or working towards things that matter to you. But too often, we tie our happiness and our self-worth to these external milestones and achievements. When we don’t have them, it can leave us feeling empty. A scarcity mindset often pulls us into the future, fueling feelings of stress and anxiety.
Here’s the beautiful thing: feelings of happiness and joy are available to you right here, right now. You can tap into these feelings at any point throughout your day. Practicing gratitude is one way to nurture joy and happiness from within. When we choose to focus on what we’re thankful for, we ground ourselves in the present, appreciating what’s already here and recognizing our blessings. Adopting an attitude of gratitude opens the door to an abundance mindset, inviting feelings of joy, contentment, and peace to flow through us.
Emotions are energy in motion.
Emotions are energy in motion. When we repress or suppress our emotions, we disrupt the natural flow of energy throughout our bodies. In an attempt to hold emotions in, we often unconsciously create physical holding patterns that become evident in our posture and bodily tension. These patterns can show up as muscular tightness, stiffness, discomfort, uneven weight distribution, shallow breathing, pain, and/or chronic conditions. Basically, the body becomes a storage space for unprocessed emotions, creating energetic blocks within the body.
Like energy, emotions are meant to flow freely. When we allow ourselves to feel, acknowledge, and process our emotions, energy can flow with ease. As we give ourselves permission to feel and express our emotions, the body responds by gradually releasing long-held holding patterns, including those that may have developed in childhood. Over time, you’ll begin to notice shifts in your posture, muscle tonus, breathing patterns, energy levels, and overall sense of wellness.
Movement is an amazing way to reconnect with our bodies and release emotions. As we release emotions from the body, we clear energetic blockages, allowing energy to flow more freely and with greater ease throughout the body.
Choose love over judgment.
It’s so easy to judge! In fact, our brains are hardwired to make judgments. Our brains are constantly scanning the environment to discern what’s safe and what’s not, all in an effort to keep us safe.
Often, our judgments of others stem from a place of fear and insecurity, which the brain perceives as a threat. The same holds true for self-criticism.
The truth is, when we judge others, it’s often a projection of our own deep-seated insecurities. Judgment is deeply rooted in fear, and the antidote to fear is love.
One strategy that’s helped me release judgment is to call myself out every single time I catch myself doing it. I don’t do this to shame myself, but to simply bring awareness to the judgment. I’ll say, “That’s a judgment,” and then I’ll shift my focus to love. I’ll then say something good about the person or the situation. If the judgment is directed at myself, I’ll do the same and follow it up with a self-hug.
This practice helps rewire the brain, creating new pathways rooted in love, not fear.
Also, when you release judgment, you’ll notice a shift in your energy. You’ll likely notice that more people naturally gravitate toward you because you make them feel seen, heard, accepted, loved, and safe.
Remember, love speaks louder. Everyone, including you, is worthy of compassion, respect, and love.
Honor life’s natural rhythms.
Life is a beautiful dance of expansion and contraction, and nature offers a beautiful reflection of this rhythm. Some plants open up in the morning, only to close in the evening. Many species hibernate through winter, only to emerge again in the spring. Even our breath follows this cycle–each inhale (expansion) is followed by an exhale (contraction). Every living being moves through seasons of expansion and contraction.
Expansion often feels like progress–pursuing goals, connecting with others, achieving milestones. This season is full of energy, excitement, happiness, and joy, where you feel ready to take on the world.
But just like gravity, what rises must eventually fall. Expansion will inevitably be followed by contraction.
Society tends to favor seasons of expansion because it’s often linked with productivity and success. However, one season is not better than the other. Both serve a purpose, and are essential to our growth and well-being.
I’ve learned to appreciate the seasons of contraction, as they invite me to slow down and turn inward. These times are for quiet reflection, inner healing, and self-growth. It’s an opportunity to reconnect with yourself, nurture your mind, body, and soul, explore your passions, and practice self-care. Contraction is a time to surrender and release that which no longer serves your highest good, so you can create space for what does. While this season can feel lonely, as you’ll want to withdraw from social engagements, you’re never truly alone because you always have yourself.
Honor life’s natural rhythms. Choose to ride the wave, embracing both expansion and contraction as necessary to growth, healing, and transformation.
Be a mindful consumer.
A few months ago, I made a conscious decision to only consume TV shows and movies that are light-hearted, funny, comforting, relaxing, and one’s that elicit feelings of love. Why? Because that’s how I want to feel internally.
I’ll never forget the time I went to see a horror movie with some friends during my teenage years. Just five minutes in, I had a full-blown panic attack. It wasn’t pretty. My body was shaking, I could barely breathe, and I thought I was going to throw up. Fear filled my entire body in a matter of seconds. Needless to say, I’m pretty sure that was the last horror movie I watched.
Here’s the thing: the brain doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is fake. As my senses absorbed the sounds and the sights from the movie, my brain perceived it as real danger, triggering the release of stress hormones and sending my body into a “freeze” response. I was literally frozen in place.
You are what you consume. In that moment, I embodied fear–and for much of my life, I lived from that place.
That’s why I’ve taken time to reflect on qualities I want to feel internally–qualities that help my brain feel safe. Now, before consuming anything, I ask myself, “Does this help, or does it hurt?” I’ve found this strategy useful for helping me stay aligned with what feels good and nourishing in my body.
The invitation is to consider what you’re consuming daily–books, music, news, TV shows, movies, advertisements, conversations–pause for a moment, just long enough to ask yourself, “Does this help, or does it hurt?” Only you’ll know the answer to this question.
In a funk, strike a pose!
Whenever I feel “off” physically, energetically and emotionally, I tend to make myself small by curling inward as a way to protect myself, shielding myself from further pain and discomfort. This contracted state is a natural part of the healing process. As I navigated chronic pain, I found myself in this contracted state often.
One strategy that I explore to help me shift from contraction to expansion is something I like to call, “strike a pose!” I’ve explored postures and movements that make me feel empowered, and one of my favorites is a high kick. Whether I’m at home or out and about, I’ll do a high kick as a way to shift my energy. It’s a simple move that allows me to tap into my inner strength and power. Sometimes, I’ll add an affirmation like “I am strong” to really reinforce that feeling. It’s amazing how quickly an action like this can change your whole vibe.
Many yoga poses can help us tap into feelings of empowerment. Warrior poses, goddess pose, mountain pose, and star pose all help cultivate feelings of inner strength, confidence, and power.
The key is to find a posture or a movement that resonates with your body.
So, the next time you’re in a funk, strike a pose, and feel those powerful internal shifts happen.
Comparison is the thief of joy...if we allow it.
Comparison–it’s something we all do! It’s a part of being human. I used to believe that comparison stemmed mostly from surface-level insecurities or jealousy, and in some cases, this is true. But over time, as I’ve reflected on moments when I’ve compared myself to others, my perspective has shifted.
Now, I see comparison as rooted in a lack of trust and faith. It often arises from fear, limiting beliefs, and feelings of scarcity. When we find ourselves comparing, it’s an opportunity to go inward and explore the part of us that feels this sense of lack. For example, if you’re comparing yourself to someone who travels often and seems to be living a life full of adventure and fun, what you’re really noticing is a longing within yourself for the same qualities–excitement, new experiences, fun, and joy. What you see in others is often a reflection of what you want to call into your own life. Really, comparison has nothing to do with the other person; they’re simply showing you something that you would like to explore within yourself and in your own life.
The challenge with comparison is that we can internalize it and start to experience feelings of inadequacy and scarcity. This can take a toll on our self-worth.
Internalizing comparison ends up taking away from your unique journey, dimming your inner light and energy.
Whenever I find myself gravitating towards comparison, I take a moment to acknowledge the thought, notice where it manifests in my body, and get curious about why it’s coming up. Then I shift into gratitude–for myself, for the other person, and for the situation–because it’s revealing something that I’d like to invite into my own life. From there, I can choose to focus on what I truly want to call in, opening myself up to growth, new experiences, and endless possibilities.
The ego is not a “bad” part.
The ego typically gets a bad rap. I personally believe that the ego is not a “bad” part. Here’s why. The ego serves as a protector. The ego will surface whenever it believes you’re under attack, and will come in to shield you from the perceived threat. The ego likes to turn up the volume whenever we feel vulnerable. The ego will literally throw everything at you to try to keep you safe. Past wounds surface because your ego is trying to convince you that this new person or situation will hurt you the same way someone from your past did. It often questions others’ intentions and keeps you on edge, all because it’s trying to protect your heart from pain.
The ego means well. With that said, just because the ego is shouting at you, doesn’t mean that you have to listen to it. What the ego is saying is an opinion, not a fact. Just because it’s a thought, doesn’t make it true.
One of the best ways to create space between yourself and the ego is by giving your ego a name. Yes, I know that sounds funny, but it can be helpful. Whenever you notice the ego chiming in, call it by its name to help you detach from it. You can say something like, “I know, Mrs. What If, that you’re just trying to protect me, but what you’re saying isn’t a fact–it’s your opinion. You can relax; trust that I got this!”
Another way to soften the ego is by taking time to reconnect with yourself. Practices like spending time in silence, disconnecting from technology, praying, meditating, reading scripture, being in nature, journaling, moving your body, or breathwork practices are wonderful ways to quiet the ego and tap into your inner wisdom.
Ask yourself, “What’s the BEST thing that could happen?” more often.
Our brains have a tendency to gravitate towards the worst-case scenario. Why? Because the brain’s primary job is to keep us safe and alive. By imagining the worst, the brain believes it’s preparing us for potential danger–whether that’s physical or emotional. Over time, if this becomes a repeated pattern, it creates a neural pathway that triggers the brain to automatically default to worst-case thinking, not just for the big things, but for everything! Often, we aren’t consciously aware that it’s happening, but as the brain starts preparing for the worst, it floods our body with stress hormones, leaving us feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and uncertain.
But what would happen if we choose to flip the script? Instead of focusing on the worst-case scenario, what if we ask ourselves, “What’s the best thing that could happen?” When I catch myself slipping into worst-case thinking, I pause, and say, “Stop.” Then I consciously redirect my focus by asking, “What’s the best thing that could happen?” As I consider the best case scenario, a wave of calm and relaxation washes over me as I begin to focus on uplifting words and images.
How often does the worst-case scenario come true? For many of us (myself included), we find ourselves stressed and worried over things that never even happen. Each time things turn out better than expected, it serves as evidence that the worst-case scenario doesn’t always happen.
This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t be prepared for life’s challenges. But constantly bracing for disaster and living in fear doesn’t serve our highest good.
Consider shifting your perspective and notice how it feels in your body each time you ask yourself, “What’s the best thing that could happen?”
Stomp your foot, build new neural pathways.
Rumination is when you get stuck in a loop of repetitive thoughts. For example, replaying past events or conversations you’ve had over and over in your mind. I used to do this all the time after interviews. I would mentally replay the interview in my head, criticize myself for saying something I thought was “dumb,” and berate myself for not saying something else instead. This could go on for hours and even days. And since thoughts lead to feelings and emotions, I would often experience feelings of shame, embarrassment, and extreme anxiety.
One strategy that I’ve found helpful when I catch myself ruminating is to physically interrupt the thought. For example, I stomp my foot. This action makes me focus on the sensation of my foot connecting with the ground. I then take a deep breath, redirect my focus, and choose a more positive or uplifting thought. For example, I usually repeat positive affirmations to myself.
While my mind might eventually drift back to the unhelpful thought, each time I use this technique, I’m training my brain to recognize that rumination is not the only option; there’s another path to explore.
If stomping your foot doesn’t resonate with you, try clapping your hands, hopping, high-kicking, or saying a positive affirmation aloud. Rumination takes a toll on your overall well-being, so breaking this cycle will feel like a breath of fresh air. At first, it may feel like work as the brain tends to default to the path of least resistance (the easier path), even if that path doesn’t serve you well. But with time and practice, you’ll rewire your brain, and it will become easier to redirect your thoughts toward what nourishes your mind, body, and spirit.
Take yourself out on a date!
Have you ever taken yourself out on a date? This might look like going for a walk while listening to your favorite podcast or music, sipping on a warm beverage and journaling at your local coffee shop, or reading a book at a park. Maybe it’s treating yourself to a solo meal at your favorite restaurant or catching a movie by yourself.
Spending time alone like this is such a great way to get to know yourself better, build confidence, and inspire creativity. It’s an opportunity to nurture self-love, invest in your well-being, and learn to feel comfortable and content in your own company.
Taking yourself out on a date means that you are honoring your needs, and exploring what feels good and nourishing for you. It’s an act of self-care–an opportunity to befriend yourself and shower yourself in love, compassion, and gratitude.
Also, spending time solo can open doors to new possibilities. When you’re alone, your energy is purely your own–unaffected by the influence of others. This can attract new people and opportunities into your life in ways that you might not have experienced if you were hanging out with other people.
Intuition whispers, the ego screams.
The ego is loud! It’s loud because it’s trying to protect you from getting hurt. The ego thinks it knows best. The ego thinks it's doing you a favor. The ego is pulling on past experiences to help make sense of the present. The ego time travels between the past and future, bypassing the present moment altogether. The ego sounds like anxiety, insecurities, doubt, uncertainty, fear, anguish, pain, and so on. The ego lives in the mind, disconnecting you from your body and your feeling state. This means that the ego disconnects you from your intuition.
Intuition is like a soft whisper. It’s peaceful and calm. It’s a state of complete connection and presence in your body. Intuition doesn’t need to scream to get your attention because it is the part of you that is connected to your highest self, your soul, source energy, spirit, or whatever word you prefer to use. It’s this quiet inner knowing that the situation or the person serves your highest good, and that you are exactly where you’re meant to be in your journey.
We can become disconnected from our intuition, or that inner knowing, for a number of reasons. Overthinking and overanalyzing situations can drown out our inner voice, making it challenging to trust our instincts. Prioritizing the opinions of others over your own can create confusion, as their perspectives can clash with that inner voice. Distractions can disconnect us from the body, leaving us out of touch with its subtle cues, including our intuition.
So, how do we reconnect with our intuition? By slowing down, embracing stillness, journaling, spending time in nature, playing, tapping into our creativity, meditating, praying, feeling our emotions, moving our bodies, tending to our physical needs, practicing self-care, and adopting an attitude of gratitude. These practices turn our attention inward, inviting us to explore our inner world. By nurturing self-love and self-trust through these practices, we create the space for our intuition to emerge naturally, guiding us with clarity and wisdom.
Taking up space in this world is your birthright.
One of the most impactful moments during my Yoga Teacher Training is when we worked with a singing coach. Yes, a singing coach! At first, I couldn’t understand what singing had to do with becoming a yoga instructor. But everything became clear the moment it was my turn to sing in front of my peers.
As I started, the coach gently placed her hand on my upper back and said, “Take up space. You’re supported.” I kept singing, and then she added, “Take up space in your body.” I was confused–I thought that I was taking up space. My posture felt open enough. She then asked, “Can you create more space in your mouth?” With her guidance and support, I explored what it really meant to take up space in my body.
That day, I realized that I’d been playing small and quiet for most of my life. The singing coach saw it instantly–from the very first word that left my mouth. She noticed how I curled inward, held my body in a constricted state, resisted the natural flow of energy, and clenched my jaw so tightly that I could barely open my mouth. These were all unconscious holding patterns I’d created in my body, which served as a way to protect myself from being seen or heard. Playing small felt safer because I was trying to avoid the pain of rejection, ridicule, and judgment.
But, here’s the thing: even while playing small and quiet, I still faced rejection, ridicule, and judgment. I suppressed my voice. I unknowingly told myself that I wasn’t worthy of taking up space. This posture showed up in my careers and relationships, and undeniably took a toll on my physical, mental, and emotional health.
I’m done playing small and quiet. I choose to take up space. I choose to express myself fully. It is my birthright to take up space–and it's yours too! You are worthy of taking up space. You have something to say.
I invite you to explore what it feels like to take up space physically. Check in with your posture–lengthen through your spine, roll your shoulders back, and reach the crown of your head towards the sky. It might be helpful to visualize a string attached to the crown of your head, gently lifting you upward. Create space in your mouth by parting your teeth. When seated, open your palms towards the sky, signaling that you’re open and expansive. Taking up space is such a confidence booster, and it will change how you show up in the world!
Embrace the “growing pains” of life.
Physical pain is a signal from the body, alerting you to an internal imbalance. While physical pain can stem from injury, structural concerns, or disease, oftentimes chronic pain is connected to psychological (intellectual and emotional) and relational factors. Pain and emotion circuits overlap in the brain, which is why you might feel pain in your heart when experiencing feelings of grief, or stomach discomfort with anxiety. Our thoughts affect our emotions, which manifest in the body as physical sensations, including pain. Unprocessed emotions can linger in the body for years before showing up as chronic pain or symptoms–highlighting the intricate mindbody connection.
Speaking from personal experience, I used to rely heavily on external sources to “fix” and “cure” the pain I was experiencing. But the truth is, there was nothing to fix–I wasn’t broken. While parts of me felt broken, misaligned, and empty, I was still whole. The pain I felt was simply part of the human experience.
Seeking professional support can be a valuable part of the healing journey, especially when the practitioner works with a mindbody approach and provides a safe, nurturing space for healing. The real healing, however, begins when you turn inward–listening to your body, honoring and feeling your emotions, becoming aware of your thought patterns, processing past wounds, and so on. At its core, healing is an inner journey.
Let’s be real–acute pain and chronic pain doesn’t feel good. With that said, it presents an opportunity to embrace the “growing pains” of life. This is a time to go inward, reconnect with yourself, learn, grow, practice self-care, and show yourself the love and compassion you deserve. The same holds true after a breakup. Yes, it hurts, but it could also serve as the catalyst for a breakthrough. By turning your focus inward, this pain can truly transform you from the inside out!
If you’re interested in learning about my journey navigating chronic pain and symptoms, you’re welcome to read my blog post My Chronic Pain Story.
Thank you for taking the time to read these 35 lessons on life, wellness, relationships, and love. I hope they’ve brought value and inspiration to you. I’d love to hear which lessons resonated most with you, or feel free to share a life lesson of your own in the comments!
With love,
~ Rachel
Disclaimer: The content in this blog post is based on my personal experiences and is not intended as professional advice. For any concerns regarding your health and well-being, please consult a healthcare practitioner.
